


Icarus Tried To Fall Instead of Fly.

by suspendscrabble



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Wilbur Soot Angst, Wilbur Soot is Not Okay, Yes I'm venting, Yum yum self-projection at its finest, it's 1 am, this is a vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:08:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28447431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suspendscrabble/pseuds/suspendscrabble
Summary: Wilbur just wants some sleep.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 189





	Icarus Tried To Fall Instead of Fly.

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning for: attempted s*icide, implied/reference s*lf h*rm.
> 
> ...let's hope no one i personally know finds this, yeah?

Wilbur wasn't sure if he could do this anymore. What even was 'this', anyway? Waking up early every morning, running to check everyone had eaten- ignoring his own needs and mindlessly working until the sun set? He wasn't sure. He wasn't sure of anything anymore. In the end, he was just in an endless cycle of doing the normal and expecting something new, and that- well, that was driving him over the edge.

Wilbur wouldn't call himself insane. Sure he was a bit reckless and carefree when it came to himself, but... not insane. People who were insane had REAL problems. They needed help that could be provided by people who loved and cared for them. Wilbur barely remembers the last time someone said an 'I love you' without him prompting beforehand. He barely remembers anything anymore. It's all just... a blur. 

One big blur that he couldn't make out no matter how hard he tried. He wasn't sure if he was thankful if anyone noticed the change or not. Even if they did, they never said anything. No one ever spoke at how quiet he had been, how he instinctively flinched from any touch, how he struggled so hard not to break when he didn't know how to help.

It was... frustrating? Is that the right word? He wasn't sure. And he definitely wasn't sure why he was sitting on the edge of a high cliff at god knows what time.

Wilbur's legs dangled over the edge, enough to where he moved them back and forth from time to time. Just for funsies, as he put it in an attempt to lighten up the situation. Whatever the hell that meant- God, why was he even here anyway? He twiddled his thumbs and stared down into the empty abyss.

Right. He remembered now. The sunrise. He was here to watch the sunrise. Wilbur glanced up to the sky, seeing nothing but pitch black and small dots of light. With that, he scoffed. He didn't mind the night sky, but he really wanted to see the sunrise. Maybe then he could feel something, for ONCE.

'Wilbur?'

Wilbur frowned at the message he got out of the corner of his eye. It was from Tommy- wait a second, what was the younger boy doing up at this time anyway? Surely he should be sleeping like everyone else. He moved his left hand and gently swiped down to pull up his chat box to form a reply.

'Yes?'

It was a stupidly simple reply, and Wilbur regretted typing it almost instantly. But he wasn't sure what else to say- Something like, hey little brother, what the fuck are you doing up so late, you're interrupting my possible suicide attempt. Yeah, no. Tommy would definitely be weirded out by something like that- but never worried. It doesn't surprise Wilbur to find that Tommy quickly replied.

'Where are you? I can't find you in the house, are you in the area?'

Now- that stops Wilbur in his tracks. When the fuck did it matter if he was in the house or not? He wasn't sure- fuck where even was he? Cliff. He quickly reminded himself. I'm at a cliff.

'I'm around.' He typed. 'Is something wrong? Do you need me to come back?'

It's a simple couple of questions, but Wilbur needed them answered now before he slipped into a panic attack. With bated breath, he waited for Tommy's reply and thankfully got it quickly.

'No, no nothing's wrong Big W. I'm only worried about you'

Worried? Wilbur couldn't help but laugh at that. Yeah, this was definitely some type of weird joke. Tommy Innit, his younger brother, worried for HIM? He almost wanted to call Tommy out to stop the joke, say that it was too early in the day to deal with this. He blinked, realizing he had gotten lost in his thoughts, and typed back.

'Worried? What for?'

Wilbur didn't want Tommy to know anything was wrong- He was scared he knew what was going on inside his head, god- he wanted to sob at the thought.

'Better if we talk face to face. Can you send me your coordinates?'

"No!" Wilbur almost shouted before stopping himself. He smacked himself across the face and quickly moved the chat box out of sight. No no no no! Tommy couldn't find him here, what would he say? Would he tell Techno, Phil? Fundy or Niki? He jumped at the sight of another message and inhaled sharply. Reply, Wilbur. He told himself. Don't be an idiot.

'No, I can't. How about I come to you?'

'Doesn't matter. Found you'

Wilbur could've sworn his heart stopped right there. He tried to move but felt oddly stuck like his body was glued to the grass.

"Wilbur? What the fuck are you doing over there?"

Wilbur flinched at Tommy's voice and tone. Did he sound... shocked? Worried? Maybe even panicked? Again, he wasn't sure... he was so confused, everything was happening so fast and his mind couldn't comprehend it all. Most likely from the many days with no sleep.

"I... I was just thinking," He forced himself to reply, praying he didn't sound too stupid or vulnerable.

"Thinking? At this time of day? Jeez man, what are you on now?"

Wilbur laughed to cover up the need to cry. "I'm not high, Tommy. As I said, I was just thinking..." He looked down at his hands, blinking slowly and sighing. "Yeah, just thinking..." He barely realized he was moving closer to the edge.

"Wilbur- what the fuck do you think you're doing?!" Tommy sounded panicked and Wilbur heard footsteps coming towards him.

"Don't," He snapped, tone coming out harsher than he meant. "Don't come near me. I'm... I'm fine." He glanced towards his brother and felt a wave of surprise to see fear and desperation in the younger boy's eyes.

"That's bullshit, you don't seem 'fine'," Tommy retorted. "You look like you're going to jump!"

Wilbur laughed bitterly. "Maybe I am, Tommy." He moved to wipe his eyes from the coming tears. "Just... go home, please. You don't need to see me like this."

"Just go home?! No!" Tommy glared. "No, fuck that. I'm not going to go home knowing my brother is trying to kill himself." He moved his left hand, a gesture to show that he was opening his chatbox. "I'm getting Phil. You need help."

"Tommy, don't-" Wilbur's voice broke as panic set in. A brother seeing him like this was bad enough, but his father? The one who he had looked up to and admired for his entire life? Oh, he could see that familiar look of disappointment on his face now. "Tommy, please. Don't get Phil," He pleaded desperately. Tommy didn't reply, furiously typing before looking up.

"It's for your own good, Wil." He replied. Wilbur clenched his teeth and looked away, fighting back a sob. He zoned out for who knows how long until he heard the familiar sound of a swooping land.

"Wilbur Soot, what do you think you're doing?"

"Dad... I..." Wilbur shook his head and hugged his knees to his chest. "I can't do this anymore."

Phil's tone softened almost immediately. "What do you mean, son?" At the sound of more approaching footsteps, Wilbur snapped again.

"Stop!" He shouted. "Don't come near me, please...!"

Phil sighed softly. "Alright, I won't. Tommy, head on home, I have this handled."

"But-"

"Tommy."

"...Fine. Wilbur, don't do anything fucking stupid."

Wilbur gave Tommy a small nod and felt a small wave of relief to hear his younger brother leave the area. His shoulders relaxed and he sighed, hugging himself tighter. Now he just had to convince Phil that he was fine- which he was- and then he could continue with what he was doing.

"Son, I need you to look at me."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

Wilbur hated himself once he started crying. "You'll only be disappointed in me more."

"Oh, Wil..." Phil sighed. "I'm not disappointed in you, bud. I promise. I'm only worried. Hell, we're all worried for you. You've seemed off and, well... I should've seen this coming. But I need you to do me a favor, alright? I need you to move to me slowly."

"Why...? So I can go back to living in this hell you call reality?" Wilbur scoffed slightly. "No thank you, I... I just want to have this. Can you let me have this one thing?" He squeezed his arms, ignoring the sharp sting on the fresh wounds on them.

"I'm afraid I can't." Phil sounded almost apologetic. "Please don't force me to come over there and drag you back home."

Wilbur sighed deeply and glanced to the sky. There was a soft, orangeish glow coming onto the horizon, bringing a burst of hope into his chest. There it was, the sunrise. He nearly shouted in joy at seeing it, but it didn't change the now growing numbness in his chest. He shook his head softly. "I'm sorry, Dad, but I can't do that for you." He inched closer to the edge. One more scoot and he would be free.

"Wilbur, please-" Phil's voice broke.

"I love you," Wilbur mumbled before taking in a deep breath. This was it. It would all be over after this. He moved. For a moment, there was nothing, not until he was vaguely aware of falling and Phil shouting something. It was all dark and he waited patiently for the sweet release of death. But, it didn't come. Wilbur frowned, confused until he froze. He could feel arms wrapped tightly around his body and the loud flap of wings. He couldn't hold back and let out a choking sob.

Goddammit, he had failed.

W H Y ? !

WHY COULDN'T HE JUST BE GIVEN A FUCKING BREAK?!

He sobbed harder and tightly clenched Phil's shirt, tears streaming from his eyes and body shuddering.

"It's okay son," Phil murmured as they slowly landed back onto the grassy cliff. "I've got you." His tone softened and he gently rubbed Wilbur's back, only causing him to cry harder.

"I've got you."

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! remember to stay safe and that you are loved <3


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